the power of dreams
dreams, they're like the stars in the night sky, shimmering with possibilities. sometimes, i feel like my dreams are as vast as the universe, so big that i can't grasp them all. but, i don't let that scare me. i remember my dad once said, 'dreams are not what we see in sleep, they're the things that do not let us sleep.' that's why i chase them, even if it seems impossible.
i had a dream to become an astronaut when i was young. i'd gaze at the moon, wondering what it would be like to walk on its dusty surface. i'd spend hours reading books about space, learning about planets and galaxies. it was like stepping into a world of magic. but then, i grew up, and reality hit. math became hard, physics seemed daunting. people told me, 'you're too small, too weak, too... human.' their words pierced my heart, but they didn't puncture my dreams.
i know, my dream might seem foolish now. maybe i won't become an astronaut, but that doesn't mean i'll stop dreaming. dreams are like fuel, they keep me going. even if i don't reach the moon, i'll still soar high, maybe not physically, but in spirit.
i've learned that dreams aren't just about achieving something grand. they're about the journey, the growth, the lessons along the way. so, i'll keep dreaming, because in my dreams, i'm already walking on the moon.
老師評語：
this piece reflects a personal narrative with sincerity and innocence. the transition from childhood dreams to adult realities is well-portrayed. however, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need attention. for instance, 'their words pierced my heart, but they didn't puncture my dreams' could be refined to 'their words stung, yet they failed to deflate my aspirations.'
內(nèi)容亮點：
the essay successfully captures the essence of dreams and their role in motivating an individual. the metaphor of dreams as fuel is particularly poignant. the writer's vulnerability in sharing their struggles adds depth to the narrative.
優(yōu)化參考：
while the sentiment is commendable, some sentences lack clarity. for example, 'but then, i grew up, and reality hit. math became hard, physics seemed daunting.' could be rephrased to 'as i matured, the realities of life set in; math became more complex, physics more challenging.'
批改后作文
the power of dreams
dreams, like the celestial bodies in the nocturnal expanse, brim with uncharted potential. once, i envisaged myself as an astronaut, gazing at the moon, envisioning the thrill of treading its lunar terrain. enveloped in books about space, each page unfolded a cosmos of enchantment. yet, as i matured, the harshness of reality intruded. mathematics became a labyrinth, physics a formidable fortress. critics' voices echoed, 'too petite, too fragile, too... human.' their remarks pierced, but they failed to extinguish my aspirations.
my astronautical dream may appear naive now, but that doesn't deter me. even if i never physically step onto the moon, my spirit will continue to traverse the skies. dreams serve as catalysts, propelling me forward. they're not merely about accomplishment; they're about the voyage, the transformation, and the wisdom gleaned en route.
so, i persist in dreaming. in my dreams, i've already accomplished the impossible - i've walked on the moon.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for improvement, consider reading "man"s search for meaning" by viktor frankl, which explores the significance of dreams and purpose in adversity. also, revisiting english grammar textbooks, such as "english grammar in use" by raymond murphy, could aid in refining sentence structure and correcting grammatical errors. additionally, studying essays by anne fadiman or david foster wallace can enhance narrative style and depth.
